Doctor Visit

When I moved to San Francisco five years ago, there were so many things to get together. One of the most important things I organized was my primary doctor. This is just due to my own issues about staying healthy, and me completely freaking out at the slightest sore throat or bump or scrape. Falling down on the street will usually send me immediately to the doctor for a tetanus shot booster and excessive bandages to make me feel better.

So, I immediately began asking friends for a doctor. My friend J’s mother G recommended a gay doctor in the Castro district who she heard of through a friend of a friend. Dr. O was his name, as I recall. Ironically, I found Dr. O at the same time that I came down with strep throat. I called up the receptionist, told her of my condition, and she had me in that afternoon.

Upon arriving at Dr. O’s office, I was informed that in order for the doc to even see me, I had to have a complete physical. First, let me just tell you that my heart shriveled into a small lump of coal at this news. My own body image issues caused me to feel this way, but because I was so sick, I consented nonetheless. Anything to get antibiotics in my body was worth it to me.

In the exam room, the doctor knocked, came in, and my mouth dropped. I was expecting a gorgeous hunk of a doctor that would whisk me away into sugar daddy land. Unfortunately, I was confronted with a troll of a man who promised me that after a full physical, he would examine my throat condition.

The physical started off as usual, until he began describing how prostate and testicular cancer can affect even men in my age group. He then asked me to take off my underwear for a prostate exam. I’m sorry, WHAT? I came in for strep throat, not cancer!!!! He described the danger I would be in if I didn’t know if something was happening inside of my body, and I reluctantly agreed. Let’s just say that it was NOT what I was expecting, and I was simply appalled. It’s hard to be uncomfortable with a doctor in a confined space…and even worse have a doctor up in your issues, literally. The doctor performed his little sadistic/dominatrix exam, then looked at my throat, and informed me that even in cases like mine, he preferred for the body to “heal itself,” since antibiotics are just too overused. However, he did call in a prescription of VIAGRA just in case I ever wanted some, and even gave me some samples. In shock from the aforementioned exam, I just put the samples in my man purse with a glazed look of shock on my face.

I walked out of the doctor office feeling a little more violated than I would have liked, and without the prescription I had been expecting! Moreover, how disturbing for a doctor just to assume I needed Viagra?!?!? The only person that needs Viagra would be the man who has to sleep with my troll-like doctor! Welcome to the Castro. We really take care of our patients here. REALLY.