Getting sassy at the airport

An open letter to my fellow holiday travelers:

I am not going to dwell on this first one, but I just want to let you know that you do not have to wait for an invitation to step up to an open kiosk and check in.  This system has been in place for quite some time now.  There is not a human for every screen.  You are in charge of your own destiny here.  When you see an open screen, step right up.  Check yourself in.  If you wait for someone to invite you to the kiosk it is going to be awhile and will be the same result.  You still have to check yourself in and wait for one of the actual humans to come around and take your bag.  Okay, so I dwelled a bit more than I meant to. 


Secondly, I just want to state the obvious and remind you that traveling during the holidays is crazy making.  It is going to be crowded, loud, and all around uncomfortable for the next day or so until you reach your final destination.  Giving your bag a much-needed seat for an actual human in a crowded airport is not going to change this fact.  I know that you want to treat your bag to the very best, because it does such a good job of carrying all of your crap around, but please do not wait for someone to ask you that seat is taken by an actual person before you to move it.  See all those people sitting on the floor?  My guess is that they would rather be in a chair!

So, all you other reasonably respectful people out there, let’s band together.  When looking for a seat, purposefully choose one that is occupied by a bag.  Mwah ha ha.  Evil plan hatched.  Please note that none of this applies if you are in an empty-ish waiting area.  Then by all means give your bag its very own seat.  

Also, this year is the first time that I noticed so many people traveling with their pets. It was like a giant dog park, rather than an airport. I think that is great.  I always with I could take Porter when we travel.  I just have a few notes ( I promise to step down from this soapbox, ahem, blog soon).  For those of you traveling with “service” dogs, great job getting around the system.  I commend you for doing what I am not ballsy enough to do. 

But, at least pretend to have a real service dog.  Attempt to maintain your dog’s attention and make it look like a service dog and not your semi-well behaved pet.  Or maybe have your loved one push you around in a wheel chair.  Something other than stating so loudly that any passerby can hear that you are doing this because they leave you no other choice when traveling with a large dog.  Oh, and p.s. there is another choice.  Boarding.  Just sayin’.

One more note on the subject of dogs.  I love doggies.  They are great.  Travel with them to your hearts content.  But, if you happen to be traveling with a dog that cannot stop barking, please do us all a favor and get some tranquilizers from your vet.  Your pet is obviously stressed and so are we.  It is really a win-win.

Okay, so that is all I have from the strange land of airport travel three days before Christmas.  Take care of yourselves out there, and those around you too.  Stranger or not.

(stepping down now)


  1. HAHA, sorry you had to go through all this but it was cracking me up to read it. Glad you made it out there ok!


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